Loses

I am so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. I know it's hard… as I know you know. And it's such a weird thing, to be so incredibly overwhelmed with empathy, to the point where I'm barely functioning today. I didn't even really know her, even less than you knew ours. It's… not really about the dog, and my love for her… It's about you, and my love for you, and your love for your dog. I can barely function because the only thing I want to do is to hold you and comfort you, even though you've already got someone to do that for you. Even though that's not my place.

And it's really not the time or place, but… I just can't help but to think, how could this feeling I'm experiencing today be called anything other than love? Limerence? I don't think so. Just because it's impossible… very probably unrequited, doesn't mean it's not love. Limerence seems so… selfish. I won't say there's nothing selfish here… My desire to hold you is bound up in my desire to just… touch you. There's no questioning that. But it's so much more, too. It wouldn't be enough today to just touch you. I have a visceral need to comfort you, for you to cry on my shoulder if you need to. I have an almost overpowering need to just be there for you. Even though you've already got someone who is there for you.

I also have to admit, I can't stop wondering if you felt any of this when our pupper left us. I know it's such a very weird thing to focus on… but a few days later, you hearted that one photo of him… the one with my knee in it… the only one with any part of me in it… Were you wishing you could comfort me, too?

I guess… since I can't do it for you, I hope the one you have is giving you the comfort you need. No doubt, he needs it, too. I could be wrong, but he seems the sort who wouldn't let it show that much… maybe he does, in private, I dunno. I suspect even if he doesn't, you're the sort who would see it anyways… and you're comforting each other, as it's probably supposed to be… Still… Know that you have love coming from this corner, too. If I could hold you, I would. If you could cry on my shoulder, I'd let you, for as long as you need.

You'll be getting a card in the mail before too long, from Humane Society. Same as the one we received six months ago or so. I think the most selfish I'm going to be today is hoping against hope that you cherish that card, and keep it… as I have done with the one we got with your name on it. And hope you know that I did it for your whole family, but also, a little bit extra just for you.

My love and my sympathy, yours forever,
♒️